So much god damn gay beautiful men out there it hurts. Unfortunately I don’t fall anywhere near in that category. They’re all just pretty faces really. And sometimes it makes me sick to see nothin but that on my dash. The fucking, the kissing, the fucking, the kissing. I mean we’ve gotten to the point where we’re so comfortable in our own skin we just post ourselves uncovered to the world. Strangers free to look at us in poses you can only imagine lol. We’ve come far but sometimes it feels we have taken a step back. We’re programmed to think of nothing but fucking thanks to the Internet. And fantasizing over what is supposed to be hot and what is not. Are wants to be completed by some other lovely soul who “exists somewhere”. Some of us stay focused and reach the goals we oh so tried to set for us. Some of us like myself fail miserably and feel like the time may never come. Eye candy is nice to look at. But I just want one person to love. I’m trying to be content with my mind body and soul. Maybe they’ll come and maybe they won’t. To say everyone has their soul mate seems kinda hokey. If you want something or see something in someone special you better go reach out there and grab it. May be surprised what you may find. If you wait too long you may lose it and not get a second chance. I’m not on a search but I’ve got my eyes open. Willing to open my heart for something special. There’s all types of beauty in this world. I think we’re all lost in this insane asylum. I know we all get crazy with our desires and stress ridden lives. I just want to be able to get to where I want in life and not lose the trueness in myself along the way. It’s going to hurt I know. But I’ve been hurting for awhile now. It gives me character and makes this skin thick. It makes me level headed. Imperfections and downfalls somehow turn out to be those hands that grab on to you. Those hands that can save you in your reality.

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I deserve someone special don’t I? Right? Is that selfish talk? I thought having sex for the experience would help figure out some of my questioning of myself but it seems it has done some harm. I’m young, single and wanting to have some fun. But I think my heart is not on the same page with my mind. So yes, I do feel a tad bit shitty. My own fault I suppose. But nothing I can’t overcome. So yes I can get anyone I try my hardest effort for. But actually experiencing love with someone who wants to be more…seems like that will take longer. So I believe it’s not wrong to have sex with someone who isn’t your significant other. But don’t go crying when you can’t handle that shit. Toughen up Austin! I’m not looking for anything serious. I am not looking for anything serious. Maybe because I’m scared a bit. Maybe it’s because I’m still getting a taste of what is out there. I’m 22 and the horniness doesn’t stop. Deep down inside I want something special. I could easily die off in a car accident tomorrow. I may never get what I want out of life. This is me taking chances with what’s in my gut.

that is all

That moment you like someone so much you don’t even realize that they don’t like you. Why are we just naturally attracted to people who do not like us?

That moment where the moments don’t even really mean anything anymore. Why would you speak about being hit on two people you work with? And then tell me that they’re attractive. I must be a real sucker.

The best remedy for this thing, sleep.

It’s true that someday I would like to meet somebody who “clicks” with me. And doesn’t just find me as somebody convenient. But finds me as someone they could not live without. Because I’ve met the countless “could live withouts”. I want to be a little more than just your type. Not “the one” per se…I can’t explain it. 

I have many interests. But when it comes to people, I don’t have an ideal type. It seems that I’m attracted to many things.

I’m not saying I NEED someone to make me happy. Although I guess I’m saying it would be nice to find someone who….fuck it, I don’t know what I’m saying. Grrr. 

I don’t need sex to make me feel better. I DO need more sleep. But I get enough of it and still it seems like I don’t.

How people can easily say they want to get fucked by someone on tumblr so easily is quite funny but also questionable. Is that what we have become these days?

“Do me!” “My body is ready” “Eat me” “Sit on my fucking face”

It’s all in good fun. But we’ve all turned into sex hungry slutbags. We’ve lost all respect for ourselves. Letting our titties hang out and our junk on to the internet. Topless Tuesday etc. Maybe I’m being bitter because I have a lot on my mind, I don’t know what it is. Maybe I’m the odd one out and too up tight.

I’m a horny motherfucker. Far from innocent. I’ve jerked off on cam before. I’ve had sex. Whatever, I’m not going to lie. Cam sex whatever you want to call it. Fuck, I watch porn all the time.

Twerkin is probably one of the dumbest shit I’ve seen and heard of lately.

All the eye candy on my dash makes me feel like shit. God we’re all fucked up. We’ve lost the real meaning of love. And the real importance to finding it. All blinded by what we see on the internet. What’s acceptable and what’s hot. Even with our own tastes we’re still fed a lot of bullshit. Everything we see. For better and for worse.

I don’t want forget who I am and lose all my innocence. But I think I already have. Maybe it was after my mom died. Maybe it was after I was molested. Maybe it was when I started watching television. Fuck who really knows. What does it matter anyway now?

I can’t believe I’m up listening to classical music at 4:39am. How am I going to get up in a couple of hours?

I’m going to bed.

All I can get now. Because I’m not cool enough to go on dates these days. Everyone I like lives thousands of miles away. Welcome to life.

Did not see myself being this kind of person. Sometimes masturbation is not enough.

Only had sex once. Only did it because it felt right. But now? What am I doing?