23. Taken. Artist. Gay. Favorite things include: plenty of music, drawing, cooking, watching movies, gaming, comic books, running, working out, staying up late and laughing.
Ew some old dude in an orange polo is talking bout erections on tv. You know it’s late. If the backdrop they used wasn’t so dated looking maybe I’d be interested in listening to their babble at all.
I’m just here thinking bout heading to bed. Sucks when you like someone who doesn’t show a lick of interest in you one bit. I shouldn’t waste time questioning something like that.
A mosquito bit my cheek. What a bitch. I know I’m tasty but seriously though.
So much god damn gay beautiful men out there it hurts. Unfortunately I don’t fall anywhere near in that category. They’re all just pretty faces really. And sometimes it makes me sick to see nothin but that on my dash. The fucking, the kissing, the fucking, the kissing. I mean we’ve gotten to the point where we’re so comfortable in our own skin we just post ourselves uncovered to the world. Strangers free to look at us in poses you can only imagine lol. We’ve come far but sometimes it feels we have taken a step back. We’re programmed to think of nothing but fucking thanks to the Internet. And fantasizing over what is supposed to be hot and what is not. Are wants to be completed by some other lovely soul who “exists somewhere”. Some of us stay focused and reach the goals we oh so tried to set for us. Some of us like myself fail miserably and feel like the time may never come. Eye candy is nice to look at. But I just want one person to love. I’m trying to be content with my mind body and soul. Maybe they’ll come and maybe they won’t. To say everyone has their soul mate seems kinda hokey. If you want something or see something in someone special you better go reach out there and grab it. May be surprised what you may find. If you wait too long you may lose it and not get a second chance. I’m not on a search but I’ve got my eyes open. Willing to open my heart for something special. There’s all types of beauty in this world. I think we’re all lost in this insane asylum. I know we all get crazy with our desires and stress ridden lives. I just want to be able to get to where I want in life and not lose the trueness in myself along the way. It’s going to hurt I know. But I’ve been hurting for awhile now. It gives me character and makes this skin thick. It makes me level headed. Imperfections and downfalls somehow turn out to be those hands that grab on to you. Those hands that can save you in your reality.
Haha I thought they could possibly be different than the rest.
But as the saying goes, there isn’t “one” until there “is”.
I have to slap myself a few times and remember that I’m a good catch and that if someone doesn’t clearly notice that then they aren’t really worth my time.
This shit stresses me out so much. And I wish it didn’t.
This guy tells it like it is.
I wish I could grow a beastly beard. I can only grow a mexi-stache.
I want to know what makes you think you’re a higher rank than somebody else? And what makes you think that you’re so much better and high and mighty than the others in which you put down?
Let me tell you something.
for everyone out there who thinks they’re not good enough for someone because you’re not “hot enough” or someone’s “type”. Just remember that their ass has to sit on the toilet and fucking poop. No one is perfect and we’re all human. It’s good to have confidence. But I’ma yank ya off your high horse if you’re gonna talk smack and treat people poorly the way you do.
That moment you like someone so much you don’t even realize that they don’t like you. Why are we just naturally attracted to people who do not like us?
That moment where the moments don’t even really mean anything anymore. Why would you speak about being hit on two people you work with? And then tell me that they’re attractive. I must be a real sucker.
The best remedy for this thing, sleep.
It’s true that someday I would like to meet somebody who “clicks” with me. And doesn’t just find me as somebody convenient. But finds me as someone they could not live without. Because I’ve met the countless “could live withouts”. I want to be a little more than just your type. Not “the one” per se…I can’t explain it.
I have many interests. But when it comes to people, I don’t have an ideal type. It seems that I’m attracted to many things.
I’m not saying I NEED someone to make me happy. Although I guess I’m saying it would be nice to find someone who….fuck it, I don’t know what I’m saying. Grrr.
I don’t need sex to make me feel better. I DO need more sleep. But I get enough of it and still it seems like I don’t.
How people can easily say they want to get fucked by someone on tumblr so easily is quite funny but also questionable. Is that what we have become these days?
“Do me!” “My body is ready” “Eat me” “Sit on my fucking face”
It’s all in good fun. But we’ve all turned into sex hungry slutbags. We’ve lost all respect for ourselves. Letting our titties hang out and our junk on to the internet. Topless Tuesday etc. Maybe I’m being bitter because I have a lot on my mind, I don’t know what it is. Maybe I’m the odd one out and too up tight.
I’m a horny motherfucker. Far from innocent. I’ve jerked off on cam before. I’ve had sex. Whatever, I’m not going to lie. Cam sex whatever you want to call it. Fuck, I watch porn all the time.
Twerkin is probably one of the dumbest shit I’ve seen and heard of lately.
All the eye candy on my dash makes me feel like shit. God we’re all fucked up. We’ve lost the real meaning of love. And the real importance to finding it. All blinded by what we see on the internet. What’s acceptable and what’s hot. Even with our own tastes we’re still fed a lot of bullshit. Everything we see. For better and for worse.
I don’t want forget who I am and lose all my innocence. But I think I already have. Maybe it was after my mom died. Maybe it was after I was molested. Maybe it was when I started watching television. Fuck who really knows. What does it matter anyway now?
I can’t believe I’m up listening to classical music at 4:39am. How am I going to get up in a couple of hours?
I’m going to bed.
I don’t get how I can be the nicest person to you and they can ruin your day and yet I’m the one who gets treated like a fucking piece of shit.
And it’s not just you. It’s the majority of people in my life it seems. Why am I taken for granted? Most of it is my own thinking but the rest seems fitting. I can step back and look at it from the distance and see if the root of the problem starts with me. I’m no saint and I know we all have a choice on how we perceive and act upon situations.
It does not help when the people you love don’t show it back. Then you start to get in that mindset of thinking that people just don’t give a shit anymore. There is not enough time in the world to sit and talk about personal issues to everyone to clear everything up. Time flies and everything changes.
We can relate to other people’s problems but it’s rare to ever be in sync with someone. To be in sync with their heart and soul. And if you ever find that, don’t let it go.
One day I will die and I will no longer be here anymore. What then? I’m still here aren’t I? All I ask is for you to show some respect and love me back and not use me like a toy and treat as if I was a stranger off the street.
And as I say these words I’m speaking to multiple people. I can’t tell you face to face right now because it takes awhile for me to cool off.
It’s just who I am. I’m a natural born deep thinker. I spend a lot of thinking inside my head. If I speak it’s only enough to get my point across. People tell me time and time again to stop dreaming and start doing and making shit happen. I’m not you. I can work on myself but I go about things differently.
If I end up never getting to the place I wanted to be a few years from now then so be it. I’ll take it. Life really does suck when it really doesn’t suck. I sit and complain in my head and make myself go crazy instead of going the easier route. Easier route for some people.
I’m just angry. And when I’m angry I blog, I draw, I write, I dance and I get sad. When I’m angry I don’t go punching holes in walls, I don’t drive my vehicle off a cliff, I don’t intentionally hurt people to get revenge. But I do get pretty hot headed. That’s why I run. Seems like the only thing to free me from the chains I create myself.
Inside my head it’s all fucked up. So many highs and so many lows. I don’t ask for a boyfriend. I don’t ask for a girlfriend. I don’t ask for a best friend at my hip. And I certainly don’t ask for shit to just be given to me that drops from the sky.
Life is fucking confusing for me right now. And because it’s my life, I’m the one who has to figure it all out. I need some help. I have to help myself first. Just feels like I get derailed when I have a very vague support system. Sometimes I want a fucking hug or just someone to listen to me. I feel like it’s always been me the one helping my friends or family. Hiding in the shadows. And they don’t even know it. Because people have their own shit to go through.
I have to fucking grab my balls and figure this all out on my own. I’m trying really hard to focus on “me”. But it’s the hardest thing for me to do. Because I care too much. Too much it’s like I’m digging my own grave. And all I ever wanted to do was do good for people in life. But I’m not doing much. I mean look…I just feel lost. And I’m not writing this for feedback or any sort of attention. I just needed to get it out.
And when I put myself in my own world away from family or friends it’s taken as me being disrespectful. But I’m not. “Why the long face?” This is just my god damn face, alright? And during the period of time I take for myself I shut myself away. Not forever, but just so I can reboot. Me feeling terrible makes my friends think that I don’t care about them anymore. But I do.
So I don’t care if you read this and judge me and dislike me just a tad bit for everything I said. This is me. You may not like it but perhaps someone else will. But if no one does..you know that’s why I have myself. Because if you lose yourself then that’s when trouble creeps in on you. So don’t lose yourself completely, remember who you are. I really have no profound quotes to put here like people usually do. I just say what I need to say.
So maybe I’m the one who sucks tit. Maybe I’m the dickhead. Maybe my friends just grew apart from me. We’re all fucked up souls. I just hope that I can find the happiness I’ve been searching for all this time. At twenty-two…that’s not so bad.
If you got your life and your body, you still have a purpose. The way I see it anyway.
My mom died when I was ten. It’s the year 2012. My friend that I loved dearly committed suicide the beginning of last year. My aunt passed away last year as well. We don’t have much time on Earth like we all expect. But I’m not sure if I believe that our futures were already written in stone. Which makes things scary but also beautiful at the same time.
I’m not afraid to die. But I do think a lot about the day coming that anyone I love could go at any minute. And I know not everyone thinks this way. And I do. And I guess that’s why I love people so much. Because why not love someone while they’re here? Give it to someone, hoping that they’d somehow give that love back. And that love can be spread throughout the world. A chain reaction.
I guess I can end it here. For now anyway.
I’m at that point where I just don’t want to bother tagging my posts on tumblr anymore. Tired of hearing all these comments from snobby fashionistas (who reblog my posts) who think they know everything about fashion and that should make them all high and mighty and superior to everyone else. Fuck you! Fuck a bitch. People, wear what you want. No matter what anyone tells you. As long as you like it who gives a fuck what others think.
It’s ridiculous to me that someone would reblog something they didn’t like just to make more emphasis on how disgusted they are by it. I once made a post of my sister’s cat Atreyu and someone reblogged it calling us dumbfucks. For naming him Atreyu. As if my sister named him after the band. Has no one seen the movie The Neverending Story??!
Sorry short rant. Oh how people just love being real cunts and pricks these days, lovely.
Also enough with the anon messages. I put it back up for if you wanted to ask a question. But it seems like people are still too scared to post things such as advice as themselves. For fucks sake, I’m a normal human being. Why the need for anon?
